The school mattress is pleasantly soft and the topic in the classroom sounds pretty harmless, “Let’s keep in touch.“ During class, love teacher Pamela Behnke wears nothing more than a lunghi, a Burmese wrap. Working for the Zinnoberschule in Munich, she helps couples to “rediscover each other” and to “pay attention to their desire or lack thereof”. At the beginning of this class, she talks about the secret of “unplanned sensuous touching.”
It feels good because during sex it’s usually all about intentions and goals. Behnke teaches partners breathing techniques, gentle glances and, also in the genital area, strokes that are new and promising. And she’s not the only one.
Whether it’s your job, or money or health or sports – it’s totally normal to ask the experts for advice when you don’t know what to do next. And when it comes to love and sex? Can couples really rediscover one another with professional help – after they’ve lost each other in bed, or overall?
Yes, you can and the offers now are better, more and better tailored. For example, studies have shown that among those experiencing a real relationship crisis, two-thirds of those who went to couples therapy were helped. It’s just too bad that most couples first react to their problems when it’s actually too late. Because they are afraid to get help.
Erotic and affairs are no longer the most important topics at the therapists, but rather communication between partners. Usually a couples therapy lasts up to 50 hours, and one session costs between 80 and 100 euros. By the way, it is nothing more than a cliché that men want sex more often than women. Often it is just the exact opposite report therapists.
Whether inside the bedroom or beyond – often pairs lose sight of each other with all the stress and the increasingly frenzied pace of life. But searching for each other again is worth it – at couples therapy just like the one the Zinnoberschule or in other courses like “Honeymooning for every Day”, “Taking time for lovers”, Sex life coaching” or “Love Base”, the on-line sex school from the Full on LOVE expert Yella Cremer.
The internist and therapist Carla Thiele from Leipzig recommends in her book “Good Sex, No Stress”, like many others, relaxation and slowing down. “In bedrooms everywhere things are stagnating, because everyone wants to be perfect.” Which is really a shame, because especially in long-term relationships it’s worth it to rediscover love.
For example, in “Slow Sex” seminars. Slow Sex is hopefully a trend that will last long – simply because it spreads happiness. Diana Richardson, who came up with the term, and who together with her husband have been teaching couples “the new style of love” recommends slowness and even not moving at all for couples to come together. And the effect is breathtaking.
No question – the need couples have for advice is big. The phenomenon of the talk by the Belgian psychologist Esther Perel on the video platfrom TED is a good example of this. The 20-minute talk “The secret of desire in long-term relationships” has been clicked more than 5.5 million times. “Binding sex is planned, intended and wanted,” says Perel. And the ingredients for this are fantasies, playfulness, introducing something new, curiosity and mystery.
During her research trips through more than 20 countries Perel “learned a few things” which help pairs have a fulfilling erotic partnership. “First, they have a lot of sexual private space. They know that there is an erotic space which belongs only to them. They also know that foreplay is much more than just five minutes before the act. Foreplay begins right after the previous orgasm.”
We are full on LOVE, …
because we don’t want to stop rediscovering ourselves. We love challenging each other.
Liebling & Schatz