16. Oktober 2014 Neue Medien

SEX IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP

That first glance, a tentative flirt and then the exciting exchange of cell numbers. Then going to the phone with happy expectation when the first message from your heart-throb appears on the display, and finally the telephone rings. A date? Sure, great idea!
Expectations meet hope, a film starts to play out in your mind, and how you imagine it becomes more and more real. What does she/he expect from you? Should you be charmingly coy or more forward? Kissing is alright, right? When it’s going really well? But spend the night together right away? But then the relationship does hardly have a future, right? But he/she is really sexy, and no one wants to buy a pig in a poke!

Generally, it’s good to remember that there is no right or wrong, no appropriate or inappropriate. Every person and every relationship has its own tempo. As long as both partners feel at home in the situation everything is allowed. Trust, being aware and, especially at the star, an honest approach with one another are all important steps to a fulfilling relationship and a passionately experienced sex life.

Only when you are honest with your partner and yourself, will happiness with a new partner also be harmonious. In that first headiness of being in love many pairs are open to talking about sexual preferences and fantasies and not just hobbies and favorite films. So it is somewhat mysterious why all too often the first time often leaves wishes unfulfilled.
Reasons for this could lie in a lack of self-confidence or not knowing enough about your partner. It would be great if during the evening there could be a chance to talk in a relaxed way about it, for example about desiring lots of foreplay to get ready or that you are open to experimenting. It would certainly boost your confidence to know that he really likes body contact and he likes it when the woman takes a little initiative. Sometimes even just thinking about having such a talk is exciting, and then the knowledge you have in advance takes away the nervousness. Plus, it invites you even before lovemaking to signalize with gestures and words what you like and what you don’t. Certainly, it takes a moment to overcome some shyness to be open with each other, yet both partners will then be rewarded with a breathtaking first time.

When it comes to talking, it’s just as common after sex as before. But of course the classic fauxpas “And how was it for you?” should be avoided. An honest talk how both sides experienced sex, what was especially good and what wishes are open should become a habit in every partnership. But criticism probably shouldn’t be expressed in the heat of the moment, but rather exchanged in a quiet moment when the partner can accept feedback more readily. It definitely helps to communicate from the first point of view. A “you’re always so fast” sounds a lot more judgmental than “I wish you would take a little more time with me.”

No one becomes an expert in a day! Just like cooking, the ingredients for good sex and for an open talk can always be improved upon. New ingredients bring new treats and new experiences create new tastes – that way it stays exciting for years and decades to come.
Another important point of an honest approach concerns masturbation. Even in a new relationship, the “desire for me” should never be a taboo topic. Sometimes totally unnecessary secrets arise or the feeling you are doing something behind your partner’s back. It can be clear that solo sex is not necessarily competition for sex with a partner, nor does it mean that the relationship is not satisfying enough. On the contrary, what is good alone can be good for the partnership, giving it new energy! When you know your own body, then your partner can take leads from you on reaching your personal hot spots! And maybe bring a toy that gets you climaxing during solo sex to add a little extra spice to your shared sex life. If you don’t try it, you’ll never know.
And that would really be a loss…

I am full on LOVE,…
… because a self-confident, self-aware and natural approach to sexuality is good for everyone.
Tina

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