“50 Shades of Grey” put BDSM in the minds of the media and millions of readers and moviegoers, and certainly made many people curious about this hidden kind of play.
Yet the desire found in this realm of excitement spanning dominance and submission, power and helplessness has many different nuances, and many people already practice a very mild form of SM without even really thinking about calling it that.
A special kind of SM is a role play with power. We all know this even in our everyday lives and most people can intuitively recognize whether someone has more or less power than them.
At work for example, roles are mostly clearly defined. Most people experience demonstrations of power by their superiors as unpleasant, because they feel helpless. Many people experience something similar when they have to go to the local bureaucracy and have the feeling that no matter what they do, nothing helps. It’s just the opposite in SM role play. Here there is the possibility to playfully experiment in situations of power and helplessness, dominance and obedience and this time in a way that feels passionate!
It can begin by one of you making a barbed comment or indicating with a playful slap that you won’t accept your partner’s gruff rejection. Maybe it’s a suit or a uniform that gets a fantasy film going in your head. Others sometimes begin with a love game where the partner is gently tied up with a scarf or the eyes are covered or legs or arms are tied to the bed.
Role play is also a turn on. The boss can suddenly become really strict, but the secretary tries with all her seductive wiles to soften his hard heart. Or the teacher teaches her lazy student some discipline, yet all he does is try every trick in the book to look down her shirt. Unlike in real life, roles are exaggerated and – very important – cannot be taken too seriously. Everyone knows that at any point the game can be stopped at any time.
Not only exaggerating and the playful acting out of power differences can be exciting, but also totally giving into helplessness and allowing to be dominated. Especially those people who in their everyday lives have the say and make many decisions enjoy falling into the submissive positions of the “sub” and getting told exactly what they have to do. Then they can completely turn off, relax and concentrate on the sexual experience. The other way around, and it is an exciting experience to take the reins (to be the “dom”) for once and decide exactly what should happen next, especially when a typical day means constantly following other people’s orders.
But why is this game with power so arousing for many? Equality is usually so desirable. This is often the case in our regular daily lives, but during sex reason often doesn’t play the leading role, but rather archaic parts of us that aren’t so politically correct. Within the confines of a game it is possible to act out these parts. In this protected sphere, submission and helplessness can be experienced without feeling threatening – on the contrary giving up control is then totally erotic.
In many people there is the desire to simply be pulled into an adventure which then overtakes them. Something that simply happens but at the same time is really wonderful. A kind of carefree part of childhood in which you are wonderfully cared for without having to take on too much responsibility.
Such wishes can be fulfilled during role play and with a little bit of finesse the dominant partner can also discover a few secret desires that are fun. In the role of the dominant partner something else is fulfilled – the pleasure to totally decide what happens, without having to discuss reasonably and equally in advance what passionate acts will take place so long as it all stays within the boundaries of the game that were decided upon. Here, the diva can act out, the dictator live his most absurd wishes without being judged or having to explain anything. Because both partners play together, it’s like a dance – one leads and the other follows. That’s the only way it works.
This kind of of SM role play doesn’t require any special accessories or preparations. Of course, a little something symbolizing the role like the teacher’s severe glasses can be a nice added touch, but the most important part plays out in the player’s imagination. It’s just important to establish set boundaries within which the game can begin and end. A clear word that means stop needs to be decided for the game, because otherwise a “no, please don’t” could be interpreted as just being part of the game. The question will arise, “Should I really stop or is the game of resisting just being well-played?” Many people decide for a traffic light system to indicate various grades. Green means yes and continue, yellow is clearly a little more critical symbolizing something else should be tried out and red is clearly stop. This code should never be disregarded because giving in to your partner and passionate dominance only functions with complete trust in each other.
For those who want to build on their role play games, they can add in little accessories for example
to punish the disobedient pupil, like a ruler. Or the boss can certainly find a piece of tape in the office to close the “fresh” secretary’s mouth.
SM role play offers a whole new spectrum of experiences relating to power and helplessness and are perfect with just the help of a little imagination to spice up things in the bedroom (the living room, the kitchen, the office).
If you are curious, think up a scenario that you would like to play out and invite your partner to join you.
I am full on LOVE,…
… because my greatest desire is for everyone to be able to have great sex!