Sleepless nights, stressful days, fatigue, frustration and your nerves are frayed. The time with a newborn or small child is a real adjustment for most couples. The birth of a child and often even the pregnancy changes a relationship. The latest IPSOS survey reveals that 25% of new parents don’t have sex after the birth. Lack of time, no desire and few opportunities are given as reasons. Already during the pregnancy an uncertainty grows between couples about how to deal with sex and almost a quarter of those surveyed complained of a down-swing in bed.
Getting used to a change in a woman’s body, the worries about the unborn child and finally getting used to being a threesome requires from both partners enormous energy. Sex and intimacy are in many cases placed on the back burner.
Yet complete concentration on offspring is not unproblematic for a relationship. A long-lasting intact family life also needs two satisfied and fulfilled partners who don’t lose sight of each other despite their love to a child. In addition to many open discussions about changed life circumstances and needs, also patience and consideration here belong to a happy sex life.
full on LOVE expert and mid-wife Isabel Tegge knows very well how it is for a new mother: “The birth and the first few months afterwards with a newborn is an emotional roller coaster. After pregnancy many women need to rediscover their femininity and desires. It takes a little bit of time before they find themselves and start to see themselves as desirable, but in the end they are not only mothers but also women and partners.“
Particularly in the first several months after childbirth both mothers and fathers place the needs of their child before everything else and forget their own needs. Time for intimacy usual gets lost or is too short. Yet it is just these small gestures paid to each other that keeps the romance going and is the cement that holds them together in the everyday grind. Scratching the back, a loving note on the refrigerator, some flowers or a kiss. This signalizes – you are important and I desire you.
Between diapers and ironing there’s hardly space for erotic. So it’s necessary to reserve time – for talks about what you desire, needs and worries but also for shared experiences and also for cuddling and sex.
“Just experiment – and use the opportunity for intimacy that come your way like when a child takes a nap or get a babysitter,“ says Isabel Tegge.
And dear parents remember that you are a couple, man and wife and enjoy your bodies, your sexuality and your sex!
I am full on LOVE, …
…because there is nothing so heady as love and sexuality, so truly honest, real, thrilling and indispensable.