There are many people who don’t have good sex as often as they would like. In most long-term relationships sex becomes rarer and isn’t as good as it was in the beginning. It’s too bad that so many people just go along with it.
But why? Many people don’t know that good sex can also be learned. They hope for those feelings which arose at the start of the relationship, those often closely linked with spontaneity and hormonal fireworks. Science has taught us that being in love is an exceptional state of being! This state naturally comes to an end, and we love what follows – trust, closeness, knowing each other intimately and planning your lives together or at least a part of it.
It’s just as normal that sex changes when you become a couple. Yet even though we recognize that every day is not full of spontaneous romantic surprises, we still hold out that just this spontaneity will stick around during sex.
While we hope, our sex life unfortunately heads for the hills. It doesn’t have to be this way – there is reasonable hope. I compare sex with eating – because most people like good eating and it is a natural need. However, we don’t assume that we automatically turn into 3-star chefs. But when it comes to sex, this is just how we think! When eating, we don’t expect that all the ingredients for a 3-course meal will just happen to appear in our refrigerator, and instead we go shopping and study recipes. What would it be like if we transfer these principles to sex?
Not only would we plan sex, consciously choose certain varieties, we would always keep an eye out for the best ingredients, and after using certain combinations check the results, do some fine-tuning and try again. Sound unusual? It is! Yet it’s worth a try! The next question is where do I find these “ingredients”? Because good sex and sexual fulfillment form a complete experience, you shouldn’t just look for techniques but also realign your inner attitude and emotional aspects. Give good sex priority in your life, a slot in your calendar and sure enough the first steps in the right direction begin. Dare to make a date with your physical intimacy and don’t wait for the moment when both of you are in the mood. I wrote “physical intimacy” and not sex on purpose. What you do in this time is up to you and it’s often better not to put yourself under pressure with great expectations, but just to start off with cuddling or a little massage.
This set date for time together is a good first step for many couples.
And just as a chef doesn’t earn his stars on the first day, you can also allow yourself a learning curve. You can also choose different ways to learn – treat yourself to a sex coach, read some good sex tips guides, look at videos – or if really courageous – go to a workshop. And here the rule applies – trying things out is better than studying them! Keep an eye out for a certain style or people that you like. Just because someone is an expert, definitely doesn’t mean they can teach you something. Maybe for you personally another teacher just makes more sense. The important thing is to get started and to take your desire for a fulfilling sex life seriously!