We all know this sentence. “And then the film started in my head”. Usually, this means something bad is going on. Something has happened which has sent our thoughts on a roller coaster, so we start to uncontrollably write out our thoughts in a film-script, one of course that is Oscar worthy in the category of love thriller or tear-jerker.
When I think about the films we make up in our heads, I think about dreams. And this on the other hand is something good. Even Sigmund Freud wrote that the dream is the royal road to the soul. Yet why do we make it so difficult to do the same thing when it comes to desire and passion, and just let our fantasies run free?
Why do we find the idea of our partner thinking about being with Angelina Jolie or with a co-worker or the hot tennis trainer during sex so unbearable? I mean, honestly, don’t we do the same? Yes! And it’s great and not in anyway immoral. Because the best sex begins in your head, nothing inspires you more than your own fantasies. And here the rule applies – whatever pleases you is okay. You are the director. Your own personal film during sex opens the door to an erotic world without borders, in any role, any place with any sex partner, doing it any way you want. According to a survey done by Stern magazine, sex with multiple partners is at the top of the list for both men and women (for men with several women it was first place, for women with several men it was 2nd place). Men find it sexy to think about sex with a stranger (2nd place), while women often dream of sex with the other women (3rd place). And even sadomasochistic sex plays a leading role in Germany. Women listed it as their first erotic fantasy.
Erotic fantasies reawaken desire and longing and intensify sexual sensitivity, either with a partner or during solo sex. To use Freud again – the films we play out in our heads are the royal path to orgasm. And we should keep this path open for our partner as well. It is not demeaning and certainly not cheating to have erotic fantasies, because as long as there is fantasy, there is action in the bedroom. Maybe some fantasies will never be fulfilled and always remain an erotic secret. But maybe we can allow one or two fantasies to become real. The motto for a uninhibited life of passion is – “It’s your film! Action!”
I am full on LOVE, …
…because there is nothing so heady as love and sexuality, so truly honest, real, thrilling and indispensable.